Last night something really terrible happened. I don't know how much is gonna end up in the news, but...some people were killed, and I just stood there, and watched. I froze. I didn't know what to do, and I couldn't help. I couldn't stop it. I just ran away, and then watched, helplessly. I don't know that I'm cut out for this shit. Machines are fine. They don't indiscriminately kill each other.
Fuck. I should have been able to do something!
About Me
- Kelly Tso
- I'm Kelly Tso, born to the Water Flows Together Clan, and born for the Bitter Water Clan. I grew up in my grandmother's hogan near Window Rock, and went to University at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Now, I'm a nova working for Project Hestia, the first of the Dineh.
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5 comments:
Kelly,
There are moments in our lives that are so tremendous in their horror that we are paralyzed by our relative smallness.
Even those who are great enough to move entire mountains by hand experience moments of futility and defeat.
I wasn't there. I wonder what I might have been able to do if I were. Perhaps I could have made a difference. Maybe someone's son or daughter or husband or mother would have made it home safely.
Instead, I was parked in front of the television, curled into a tight ball, wanting to look away but unable to do so. Like you, I was frozen. Even from the relative safety of my living room, it was too terrible to comprehend. I've never felt more powerless.
Please don't blame yourself for what you felt, or for what you feel you failed to do. Please don't hold yourself or others to mechanical standards.
I, for one, am comforted by your very human reaction to something so senseless and tragic and preventable. I feel less alone somehow, and I thank you for that.
-Ben
I wanted to try and comfort you with a reply. Then I read Ben's. Hear hear.
The only thing I'd like to add is I'm around if you want to talk.
That would be nice, X.
His arms are real strong, yet supportive. Haw!
I'm pretty sure I was there and sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing. Sometimes fear is your emotions overriding good sense and sometimes it's good sense overriding emotions.
If you want to talk about anything, then hit me up. You got my number.
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